2.) It finally begins with a 20 min scene of apes just grunting.
3.) The monolith
4.) In the first half an hour not a single word is spoken
5.) Sylvester Stallone's character has more dialogue in the new Rambo then this movie has in general
6.) The scene in a bar
7.) There is no such thing as a cut scene in this movie
8.) Apparently in space everything moves sloooooooooooooowwwww
9.) Even plots
10.) Some of the stupidest designed "futuristic" spaceships ever seen
11.) In star wars, remember that sick opening scene when you see a star destroyer fly by all cool and slow and shit, They do it several times and it's not cool... its just slow and shit.
12.) I may never enjoy a star wars movie again because of this movie.
13.) The Monolith shows up again and still is not explain
14.) Weird fuckin noises
15.) One of the only characters that is prevalent throughout the whole movie is a giant fuckin black wall like object
16.) To many stupid scenes with people walking on walls or doing sick anti-gravity, futuristic things that are cool at first until you watch a ten min clip of some flight attendant bitch walking on the walls
17.) About three-quarters of this movie the only thing you hear is heaving breathing and static
18.) The rest is orchestral music and apes grunting
19.) There is an intermission
20.) After the intermission it's another 3 mins of black screen and music
21.) The most action packed part of this movie is when the spaceship computer turns evil and starts killing people
22.) However the scene takes so long and moves so slow that when they actually stop the computer, your angry, physically angry
23.) And the evil computer isn't even relevant to the plot
24.) Space movies without lightsabers and shit blowing up are boring
25.) The plot of this movie could be condensed into six mins, the rest of the three hours is filled with slow camera pans and static
26.) Not one thing blows up
27.) Execept for a few chicks at the beginning, this movie was a total sausage party
28.) The last 30 mins are flashing lights and acid washed videos of moutains and lakes
29.) Oh and the fuckin Monolith comes back again
30.) All of a sudden the guy who was floating through space seeing all these trippy colors ends up in a bedroom
31.) They never explain why he is in a bedroom
32.) He dies in real time...
33.) On his death bed he sees the Monolith again and you think the movie is right around the corner from revealing its meaning
34.) The meaning never comes
35.) And it ends with a fucking baby..... a fucking baby chillin beside earth.
36.) The scene with flashing lights and shit pissed me off so much Im gonna put it down twice.
37.) There is no dialogue in the last 20 minutes
38.) The movie is 2:28 mins long
39.) It is considered one of the greatest movies of all time
40.) It has been in countless top tens since its release
41.) It has been nominated for 4 academy awards
42.) Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke.(the writers) never explain the movie
43.) They wanted to leave it "open"
44.) It was deemed "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant" by the United States Library of Congress and selected for preservation in their National Film Registry.
45.) There are fifteen people in the whole movie
46.) It took three years to make a shitty movie
47.) The final copy had 29 min chopped from it that means it "was" a 3 hour movie
48.) The movie played for two years in theaters
49.) It has been released a million times including four times on dvd
50.) This movie was so bad it made me write a note complaining about it.
-Down & Out
*If you are gonna complain saying that it is a brilliant movie, I will never speak to you again
** I am currently looking for people to help my re-score the soundtrack to be an all GRINDCORE Masterpiece.
Thank you for your time
